07 January 2009

Settling Back In, Making Goals

Every few hours I stop and sigh. The trip east to the Berkshires was lovely, relaxing in some ways, stressful in others. It felt odd to be wanting to come home - home being Missouri - having wanted for months to go home - home being the Berkshires.

I've started thinking about The Future. There's this whole progression of grad school stuff that creeps backward from admission into a PhD program to now, meaning that even though I could probably put off thinking about stuff until the summer, I sort of forced to start now: choose an advisor, based on what my thesis will be about; choose a thesis topic, based on what kind of PhD program I want; choose a PhD program, based on?

There are so many questions. Some - many - of them without answers. East Coast, West Coast or middle? Creative Writing or Literature? PhD, MFA or both?

Last year at this time I was waiting. Waiting, and planning my cross country trip with Fionn and Matilda to check out the places I'd decided on. I had decided on them. I thought I knew, and I did: what I wanted was set, the wheels were in motion, I was waiting, that's all.

Now, again, I have to choose. I have to sit down with Steve, mull over the many options - how close is too close to family? How far is too far away? Where will be best for us? For the girls? It's not like we're starting from scratch, as now have the experience of living here for a few months to balance out our thinking. Since we can't really ever know what the future will hold, that will just have to be enough. For now.

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