While you were out

I was at school all day today, Tuesdays and Thursdays are my non-mommy days to do brain stuff. When I got home, ready for a glass of wine and an episode of Prison Break, Steve gave me the details of his day with the girls. It was a good one.

They went outside and made snowmen. This might sound normal, but there are lots of little snowmen on a "beach" and one giant snowman rising up out of the "water" to eat all of the little snowmen. Steve and Freya made the big one and Matilda made all of the little frosty victims. It's dark now, but I'll post a picture tomorrow.

Also there was an incident with a bug. The girls were out in the middle of the yard and I guess Steve was checking on something inside, or fixing up the snow creature, but suddenly Matilda is screaming, "Daddy! Daddy! Freya has a bug in her boot and it has pinchers and it's pinching her!" And Freya's lying on her back in the snow freaking out, so of course Steve rushes over and the bug is some small non-pinchy bug, and in fact Freya is not freaking out about the bug, she's screaming because her other boot is stuck in the snow (which is too high for her to walk in anyway) and she can't move. So Daddy saves the day, removes the bug, replaces the boot and takes the girls inside for hot chocolate.

I think about Steve's days with the girls and am jealous sometimes. I wonder if I don't give them enough attention, get down and play wth them enough, let myself climb into their world the way I maybe ought to. I can tell myself I have homework to do and that they're happy playing together without me all I want, but sometimes they have a day like this with Steve and I wonder if I'm missing something important. I love them both so much, and I love the idea of playing with them, but whenever I sit on the floor and help them build a castle for the Polly's, or set up a farm for the plastic animals, it doesn't take long before my character develops a life threatening disease, or homicidal tendencies.

I'm there when they need me, but when it comes to their playtime, they're probably better off without me. But is this just an excuse? Am I being lazy? When it comes to parenting, I know that different styles work for different people, and shouldn't I just embrace the one that works for me, which is the one where I get to do my stuff, and they do their stuff?