I Have No Clothes (and not in the metaphorical Empress kind of way)

...more like the I Am A Total Drama Queen kind of way.

I finally made it. I've worked really hard, studied my butt off (especially the last two years) and now, after ten years of creeping towards this day - often at a painstakingly slow pace - I will graduate summa cum laude tomorrow, and I have nothing to wear. Nothing.

Okay, well, I will not be going naked, but I did just spend almost two hours hopelessly scouring the mall for something both affordable and cute to wear tomorrow. No luck. I did find a totally adorable pair of sandals, but they cost too much and hurt my feet. I almost bought them anyway, but I was good and put them back.

And did I mention that the place was crawling with tiny little teenage girls?

Little ones, not even tween ones. It was kind of disturbing. There was a gaggle of them in the bathroom, swearing up a storm, and a mother with her young daughter gave me That Look. You know the one, the I Know You Are Thinking The Same Thing As Me look. And I kind of was. I had leaped forward in time to the day when Matilda (suddenly age 13) was giving me a different look, one that said, God You Are The Most Pathetic Mother Ever Because You Won't Let Me Go To The Mall Alone.

We commiserated for a moment and then parted ways. I never did figure out where the parents of all of the various groups of girls (there were a lot more girls than boys) were. Probably cowering in a dark corner somewhere, continuously shaking their heads and muttering to themselves. I know this because that's where you'll find me when I cave to Matilda's evil stare and let her go off by herself just so she'll still like me.

(Of course, my scenario is flawed because caving to her iron will can only bring the God You Are The Most Pathetic Mother Ever Because You Are So Easy To Manipulate look. You can tell I spend way to much time dreading thinking about my daughter's teenage years.)

*Sigh.* I'm freaking out. Can you tell? I'm going to go pour myself a glass of wine now. Yes, please, by all means, join me. Drink on my behalf, it's good for you.