14 October 2007

On Top of Spaghetti

INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT


It has been a long Sunday and we are tired. The family is eating dinner - spaghetti and meatballs.

STEVE: On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese...

The children look at him funny. They've heard this song, but it's been a while.

FREYA: What?

STEVE: I lost my poor meatball...

I join in.

ME: ...when somebody sneezed.

We sing the rest, then return to our food.

STEVE: Freya, eat your meatballs.

FREYA: I'm full.

I look at her with eyebrows raised. Can this be the very same child who claimed she was starving to death not fifteen minutes ago?

ME: Come on Freya, just two bites.

MATILDA: Can I be done?

She's eaten everything on her plate.

STEVE: Yes, clear your place.

FREYA: Can I?

ME: No, eat your meatballs.

STEVE: If you eat your meatballs, I'll sing the song again.

ME: We'll both sing, eat your meatballs.

FREYA: (raising her hands palms out - one for each of us) NO! You can't sing that song!

ME: Why not?

FREYA: If you sing it, I won't love you anymore.

ME: What?

STEVE: Will you still love me if I sing it?

FREYA: Yes.

She's still has her hold-it-right-there-buster hands out in front of her.

ME: (with fake sad face) But I want to sing it.

FREYA: NO!

ME: Please.

FREYA: (in a quiet, even tone) If you sing it, I will kill you.

ME: So if I sing it, you won't love me anymore and then you'll kill me?

FREYA: Yes.

I'm not sure if she's serious. So I test her. 'Cause I'm so mean. And also, 'cause I just don't know when enough is enough. Obviously.

ME: On top of spaghetti, all covered with cheese...

FREYA: STOP!

I stopped.

FREYA: You have to sing London Bridge is Falling Down.

ME: Oh. Okay.

Problem solved.

THE END.

She still loves me. I'm not dead yet. But the threat was real, I know it was, I mean, look at her - would you mess with that?

9 comments:

Avery Gray said...

No. No, I would not. You are a brave woman! ;o)

Rimarama said...

Dude, my daughter will not let me sing EVER, period. And I consider myself a pretty damn good singer, too. It is always a level 5 tantrum trigger at our house, my singing. She simply cannot abide it.

Love the picture.

Cathy said...

Aack! My son makes that same face. Chilling, isn't it?

Amy said...

Oh that's too funny! Yep, you better not turn your back on that one!

Mrs. Mustard said...

Wow, death threats over singing? That's some scary parenting!

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

Bwahahaha!

I'm skeered.

cate said...

okay...my boys aren't old enough to utter death threats yet, so i'm not sure what i would do...but i probably wouldn't mess with her! ;-)

that pouty lip is priceless!

Steph said...

She's so brilliantly funny. I can't imagine where she got that from. ;-)

andi said...

Ooh, I can't believe you tempted her and lived to tell about it! That's hilarious - so something Elliot would have said.