26 September 2007

My Awesome Crime-Fighting Hair

Most days I am able to tame my mop of half-curly, half-whatever hair into something that looks like this:


Not terrible. Tame. Not too bad.

But at night, while the world sleeps, my hair has a secret life.

It calls itself "The Bomber" and puts Jack Bauer to shame with its relentless search for the truth.

It drives too fast, swerves the wrong way down one way streets - but always, always stops for old ladies in the crosswalk.

My hair stays up wicked late - well past three a.m. - and drinks bourbon from the bottle, sometimes without even stopping to breathe.

It knows what LSMFT means, because it smokes unfiltered cigarettes like a World War II soldier.

It knows how to take one for the team, but it's a go-it-alone kind of mop.

My hair fights crime at night. It cruises the city, listening to the police scanner until it picks up a robbery, or a domestic abuse call. Then it speeds on over and sorts those fuckers out.

It doesn't break the law, but it lives on the edge, taking one day at a time - vigilante style.

How else would you explain this:


Come on, you're jealous, right? Right?

18 comments:

Jessica said...

AHHHHAHAHAHAHAH! What an awesome hairdo...I admit it, I am a bit jealous. My hair wouldn't curl if I stuck my fingers in a socket!

Lauren 02143! said...

Whoa Nellie!

Summah time...
Chicken pie...

andrea said...

I think you need to unbutton the first two (or maybe three) buttons of your shirt and flip up your collar with that hair, you know, Miami Vice style

Mamma said...

That's so much cooler than my sit-on-its-ass-ringing-up-the-phone-bill-while-emptying-the-fridge hair.

Annika said...

I find your hair kind of sexy.

andi said...

Oh. My. God! That was hysterical - and may I also say, incredibly brave. I don't think I could ever stomach posting an old pic of my hair. Shudder...

Ciaran said...

So, that's where my hair goes ... went.

Amy said...

This is SO DAMN FUNNY! Thanks for having the balls to post those pics! I'm not sure I could do it (though my hair has only one look, morning or night, flat). I wish my hair had a secret life...

Jen said...

Um. It's ok that I laughed at that. Wildly. Right?

Maureen said...

Ummmmm.... honestly?

Uh, no.

Jennifer aka Binky Bitch said...

Wow! That is some HAIR! You are a brave, brave woman, my friend!

You know, some people would kill to have that kind of body in their hair!

Blue Momma said...

Ok, we have the same hair! But you are much braver than I to post a picture!

I barely noticed the first photo though, as I was looking at the party on top of the fridge. I think I got a little buzz just looking...

And what the hell is LSMFT?

Queen of Shake-Shake said...

I'm overwhelmed. REally.

I have the half curly, half straight, coarse hair too. It takes lots of expensive conditioners and creams. And either a long long time with a big roller brush and flat iron OR a bit less time with a diffuser and curling iron where needed.

I can thank my half curliness on pregnancy number 2. For whatever odd reason, it kinked the hell out of my hair.

Beta Mom said...

From one Curly Girl to another:

At least your hair uses its powers for good and not evil; I'm pretty sure mine goes out at night and smuggles large quantities of illegal substances over the border.

Ahhhh...the power of product.

Jenn said...

Your hair is my hair's partner in fighting crime! I must battle it tooth and nail EVERY morning or we end up with an out of control bouffant that harkens back to the days of hair teased to within inches of its life. I never need to tease, and I'm always looking for styling products that promise Less body instead of MORE!

creative-type dad said...

I'm sorry, that's really funny....!

A Whole Lot of Nothing said...

I'm a curly-top myself. I have to find the pic of me from my 9th grade homecomeing dance. Total mushroom head.

moosh in indy. said...

Looks like your hair does so well it gets a big ol' ego.
heh.